Episode #13“Interview with a vampire slayer”-By Ally

Grinning like an utter lunatic, which of course he was, the Rabbi clicked his fingers and THE CELESTIAL VACCUUM CLEANER OF GAWD!!! ["BAH GAWD...okay I'll stop] began to whirr in a thousands-upon-thousands-of-angels-singing-ahhhh… fashion.

“Oh no!” screeched Cabbage and Flynn as the anti-gravitational raging winds of doom picked them up and sped them away.

“Ack!” said Yakky temporarily dissolving into a cloud of ectoplasm and following them.

“Puck!” “MEEP!” “…“ said Flibbage, Bica and Sprout respectively as they too were sucked into the mysterious depths of the CELESTIAL VACCUUM CLEANER OF GAWD!!!

They landed, not in soft white pearly clouds, but in soft white pearly snow, which was coincidentally very cold.

“Oh where the hell are we now??” said Yakky.

“Where the hell are we now??” said Flynn, having not heard Yakky for obvious reasons.

“Ooo! Don’t actually know!!” Cabbage replied. “Sprout, seeing as you’re the one with the destiny, how about you do some thinking for a change?”

“That won’t be necessary,” said a silky smooth, evil voice, as an expensive shoe crunched in the shoe. Everyone looked up and saw the shortest person present at the funeral.

“OH MY GAWD!!! BUFFY IS… GOD!!!” [BUFFY SWERVE~! I should really start counting these...] Flib yelled in disbelief, as a brief temporal fluctuation occurred. Everyone but Sprout looked suitably surprised. (Sprout remained looking psychotic.)

“Does that mean I’m Jesus?” Yakky mused, but no one who could hear him was listening.

“Fools,” muttered Cabbage under her breath whilst simmering with rage, “She isn’t God, I went to school with her.”

“MOTHER DON’T YOU DARE SIMMER WITH RAGE! THIS IS NOT THE TIME!”

“Sorry sweetheart, but there’s something about people who kidnap the holy gimmicks which really pisses me off! AND I’LL SIMMER WITH RAGE WHEN I LIKE THANK YOU!”

“And so what?” Buffy snapped pacing up and down. ”Yes! I mugged Gabriel and stole the vacuum cleaner. Yes! I used it to bring you here so I could kill you! And do you know what? I’d do it again, so help me! Only better! I’d take his wallet too! Oho yes.”

Yakky glanced at Sprout who was glazedly rummaging in her backpack.

“But,” Said Flynn slowly “if Angel Gab’ is keeper of the vacuum cleaner, then …. Who is the Rabbi?

“Ahaha!” said the Rabbi, pulling off his Kippah and fluffing up his beard. “The one who walks among you is none other than- RASPUTIN!”

“Ra-Ra-Rasputin? Aiee!” Screeched Flibbage.

“Stupid people making their stupid speeches full of stupid Clichés!” muttered Bica.

Suddenly Beansprout jumped up brandishing her battered pretty-useless-machine-gun-of-peace and screaming “YOU KILLED MY PARENTS AND MY FRIENDS YOU SICK BITCH!!!”

“Hah, and I’d do it again-“ Buffy had begun when Rasputin leapt in front of her.

“If you’re going to shoot her, you’ll have to go through me!”

“Oh no! thought Cabbage, that machine gun might just work in a narrative situation like this… ”

“Suits me-” growled Sprout as she squeezed the trigger.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Rasputin answered back, “Because… I AM YOUR FATHER!!!” [......] [actually, I would complain if I hadn't once done the same thing myself]

AND HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?

WHO WILL MAKE A TACKY SPEECH NEXT?

WHO WILL TALK SPROUT OUT OF IT?

(HOPEFULLY NO ONE)

FIND OUT SOON IN…

INUBUYAKASHA!