Episode #16 “Ataaack of the killer Tomatoes! [Not that it happened, I just wanted to say it.]” By Emily.

[“Holdups!” Are you ready for the next episode?# In a Dr. Dre style…]

“Are you Beansprout, 15, a skinny, spiky haired sarcastic child with a flair for defeating criminal masterminds?” Said K in a particularly irritating voice.

“No I’m the other teenage girl with the good fortune of being called Beansprout,” Sprout replied. J laughed.

“Now you see, K,” said J, “that is what we normal people call a joke. You see, she said something funny, and I laughed- get it?” Silence. “Obviously not.”

K continued oblivious. “Beansprout. You are being temporarily drafted to the forces of the NGSPIB.”

“The -what?”

“The Non-Gender-Specific People in Black.” J informed her.

“J will you SHUT UP! That’s an official secret…” said K “We have been informed that twice you have defeated the notorious crime lord Buffy-the-space-pirate. Are we correct?” [I am suddenly struck by the vague simularities between the personalities of Buffy and Ryoko]

“Well yeah, but she was a vampire slayer back then… And besides I couldn’t have done it without Yakky and Flibbage. Damn that’s a cheesy thing to say.” said Beansprout in a dismissive manner.

“Who exactly are Flibbage and Yakky?” Asked K.

“Oh, Flibbage is my Faery Pal, and Yakky is a ghost only I can see.”

“K” whispered J urgently “Are you sure this is the girl we want? She sounds like one of those crazy people.”

“J. You talk too much.”

“No really!” Said Sprout “I can prove it! Well not Yakky, because only I can see him. But Flibbage is normal. In a sense.” She pulled a faintly glowing shimmery green thing out of her pocket. It snored faintly. She gave it a vigorous poke.

“Whassat? Whasgoinon? *Slight pause* Ahhh God! who are these bastards?” Flib yawned and rubbed her eyes, stretching her legs out. “Oh *yawn* I can just tell its going to be a bad hair day, and why are you all looking at me? piss off. And why- OH MY GOD ITS WILL SMITH!” [I love that line. Had me giggling for ages after I first read it]

“Pardon?” Said Sprout.

“*Ahem, cough* Don’t know what you’re talking about, my name is J.” said J.

“Of course it is, Will of course it is. I won’t let on your secret identity,” said the little Faery conspiratorially. “So where are all the aliens then, hmm?”

“How does this Faery know anything?” raged K at J as if it were his fault.

“Oh you were in a film, and the sequel.” Said Flib and went back to sleep. Everyone looked at Flibbage in complete confusion for a second.

“WAKE UP!” roared K.

“What!?” said Flibbage crossly.

“Jesus K! Stop bugging the little Faery!” said J. thinking, film?! Cool!

“Don’t patronize me, Suit-boy!” said Flibbage and jumped off Beansprout’s hand. Upon landing she grew herself to human proportions. Of course, this meant she was about 7feet tall, and mostly legs.

“Now where were we?” Said Beansprout menacingly, and whispered sideways to Flib “How come you never used to make yourself tall when we were little, it would have helped, you know.”

“I learned all this stuff at the University of Faerie. I couldn’t spend my whole life making things into cabbages and donkeys.”

“Oh. Well anyway, why’s Buffy a Space-Pirate?”

“She has stolen the Sword of Slayskull, which is magic and all powerful and et c.” Said J “We can’t get near her, so from what we’ve heard you’re our best bet.” [I'm pretty certain that to be a SPACE pirate you have to have stolen from at least one spaceship. Otherwise you're just making outlandish claims (literally...boom-boom)]

“Cool.” Answered our heroine smugly, “But how come you- HEY WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN??”

“Excuse me?” said J. Flibbage merely raised an eyebrow at the section of space Beansprout was yelling at.

“SHOPPING?? SHOPPING!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU GONNA BUY, YAKKY?? A TOMBSTONE? EMBALMING FLUID?” [this is another particularly hilarious little exchange]

J and K looked at Flibbage, Flibbage mouthed the word ‘Ghost.’ K looked as if he was going to have a fit.

“Ghost?” said J, “Are you sure she isn’t insane?”

“Nah,” said Flibbage. “watch.” She faced the empty air. “Morning Yakky!”

“He says,” answered Sprout, “Brush your hair, stupid Elf, you look like a horror movie reject.”

“See?” Said Flibbage darkly, sticking her tongue out at the space.

“That proves nothing.” said J sarcastically.

“Yakky! J here doesn’t believe in you.”

A ceiling light spontaneously fell of the ceiling onto K, rendering him unconscious.

“I think I’m starting to like you guys.” Said J. “Welcome to the NGSPIB.”