Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin…

Episode #17 "Lardraptors!" or "Attack of the obese primordial Lizards." By Ally.

"You're an idiot," snapped K as they went round the roundabout the fifth time.

"You're the one who doesn't know left from right…" J replied.

"If you'd read the map right-"

"I don't have the map! You won't let me have the map, you said I was too young to be trusted with a map!"

"Are we nearly there yet?" said Sprout in the traditional manner of minors everywhere, from the back of the Black NGSPIB limo.

"NO! Read a quantum physics book!" K growled.

"I don't want to. They're shit!" She replied stubbornly as Yakky materialized in the seat. Flib started to shiver uncontrollably, seeing as she was sitting there already.

"Yakky you idiot! Shift your ethereal arse!" Yakky shifted across and nudged Beansprout.

"Want to see something utterly amazing?"

"What? So long as it isn't disgusting."

Yakky smiled winningly and collapsed into a small ball of ectoplasm, which pinged into the back of K's head. "WOW IT WORKED!" Kyakky shouted, and beeped the horn several times. J gave him a worried look.

Flib looked at Beansprout. "Yakky."

"Aha."

"OH GOD! I CAN SMELL THINGS! AND SEE IN COLOUR! AND TASTE! Euw, what has this guy been eating…?"

"K, are you feeling alright?" asked J.

"And look! I'm holding something! It's a steering wheel and- oh shit." He said as the car skidded and spun off the road towards a nearby car crusher.

"YAKKY!" Beansprout yelled amid Flibbage's cursing. "Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can kill us!"

"Well sorry, I've forgotten how to drive!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???" J shouted.

"Duh!" Said Flib, taking a break from telling Yakky exactly where he could stick his lack of driving lessons (in Gaelic), "Yakky possessed K, but has just remembered that last time he drove HE KILLED HIMSELF!"

"Well" said J as they hurtled towards a violent and messy death,"I think its time I pressed the big red button."

"Ooh. What does it do?" said Yakky, sharing the male obsession for big red buttons. .[don't you DARE try and tell me that you don't think big red buttons are awesome]

"Well as it says on page 345section(b) of "Quantum Physics for those with no social life-"

"PRESS THE GODDAMN BUTTON, J!!!" Screamed Sprout. J pressed the button, and with much clanking the car transformed into a giant metal chicken, which demolished the car crusher (which wasn't up to the likes of giant metal chickens, being meant to crush cars only) as it ground to a halt at the bottom of the hill.

"Well," said Beansprout as she smoothed the creases out of her NGSPIB suit. "That was interesting."

"……….!"Flibbage whimpered, until Beansprout slapped her.

"Thanks, I needed that."

"What shall we do now?" Said Sprout as the chicken stalked its way across the landscape. J, who had taken the controls in the most tactful manner possible, thought hard. "Well, we were going to the NGSPIB intensive training camp on Mars, to train you up to face Buffy-the-space-pirate.[Everybody already knows it's four separate words. You can't trick them like that] But seeing as K's been possessed, we could always go to Glastonbury."

"Yay! Glastonbury!" said Kyakky "I can listen to music, and drink Beer!"

"Well my friends," Said Beansprout as she stood up dramatically *Struck a gay pose and shouted hark!*, "On to Glastonbury, and the Unknown!" !" ['The Unknown' being what people from the Home Counties call anything west of Bristol]

"Hardly." Said Flib, My mum went there, and took your mum along, they're taking their new Boyfriends and Barry's going along in the hope of picking up a date.."

"WHAT?!!" *Cue the camera slowly zooming out as the chicken disappears into the sunset.* "Yeah didn't you know?"

"I'm the product of a broken home. No one even told me…"

"Their boyfriends are really fine!"[No, I won't say anything. I shall just glare and at and shake my head in a disappointed way]

"Bitches."

And as they passed a small thicket, a group of overweight dinosaurs that were more than a little narked about being left until the end of the episode, sniffed the air and followed, belching as they ran.