Flibbage magicked up some faery chips with her wand and made everyone sit down so she and Sprout could explain what was going on. Yakky sat sulking at one end of the row of people.
"Right," said the extra smart and very annoyed Beansprout "This is the situation as I understand it, most of the finer details only make sense to Flib, because only faeries understand the laws of Generics, whatever those are."
"They're the logical rules of fiction narrative and character development." answered the faerie, with her mouth full.
"Whatever. Are you all paying attention?"
"I'm not, but I know all this anyway, so it's okay."
"Fine. Not that I like the sound of your voice, so don't get any ideas."
"Wiggy wiggy - oh sorry."
"Feh."
"Huh?" *vaguely surprised expression*
"Okay, because of the girly tantrums and general disillusionment of Yakky and J, everything was set to become boringly real, a loop in the nature of the universe which manifested in the form of random falling matter. To stop these phenomena, Flib and I got two new token blokes as a TEMPORARY replacement, until we could find the real sidekicks. Great. No more death by comedy objects. Then you all turned up again."
"The problem now," Flibbage interrupted, "is we have two additional characters; Inu-Yasha and Kagome. This may have upset the balance in the opposite direction, making everything horribly clichéd."
"Not that I understand your faery nonsense, but how is that bad?"
Flibbage clicked her fingers and a large book appeared out of thin air. Putting on reading glasses, she flicked the pages. "Bad news or good news?"
"Well I did ask how it was bad, so I'll choose bad." said the ever cynical J.
"Well if you thought our lives were strange, you haven't seen the half of it."
"Right, and?"
"Well Inu-Yasha and Kagome's universe might be slowly falling apart without them."
"What!?" shrieked Kagome,
"Of course, that's the worse-case scenario. The spell should have found suitable people to replace them, whose disappearance wouldn't affect their own universe."
"What if you did it wrong!?"
"I'm a very capable faery. I'm a princess, I'll have you know."
"A princess? Argh! "wailed Kagome, who was used to fifteenth century Japanese princesses who were pretty useless at anything that didn't involve sitting still and looking pretty.
"Now for the good news. We've got plenty of good luck to go around between us, and we get to be really good at our individual character traits."
"I'm lost," said J.
"That's 'cos you're good at being confused J, and I'm good at confusing people. Now the other good news is that now Kagome is here, then there won't be any clash between Inu-Yasha and Yakky as Beansprout's love interest."
Unfortunately Flibbage was drowned out for quite some time by assorted loudly voiced opinions and expletives Yakky and Beansprout chose to start yelling at each other again about how there was no way in hell that they would EVER look twice at the other. Kagome just sat and fumed.
"Besides, there's no way I'd ever fancy that DOG-boy!!!" yelled Sprout.
"So you'd prefer the half demon?" said J with uncharacteristic wit.
"SHUT UP!!!"
"Feh, sprites and faeries, what does a forest spirit know about anything?" Inu-Yasha growled which only served to make Kagome crosser.[Pretty dumb thing to say really, seeing as 'yasha' actually means a forest spirit...]
"Changing the subject," said Beansprout abruptly, "let's go find some more NGSPIB agents and kill them horribly."
"Feh- no, wait, okay." said Inu-Yasha, remembering he quite liked that kind of thing.
"But what about the Shikon Jewel?" Kagome reminded him, "If we don't find all the shards-"
"Shut up wench, I want to kill things!"
"Kagome, you're such an irritatingly pathetic cliché sometimes." added Flibbage.
"Well I'm not going to let everything run wild in our world whilst you play about with that stupid sword, Inu-Yasha!" yelled Kagome and stormed back into the Portaloo.
"No!" cried Flib as the machine made a sound of malfunctioning wrongness. The door swung slowly back on its hinges.
"Aw, crap," added Beansprout, as a small, dark-feathered, oriental looking chicken strutted out.

* * *

Meanwhile in feudal Japan…
Four figures sat around a fire. Shippo was cowering next to Miroku who was trying to pretend nothing was wrong.
"Would you like some green tea?" The Buddhist monk asked a pink-clad Julian Clary.
"Ooh, yes please Luvvie."
"And you?" He asked a long haired person who he, for some inexplicable subconscious reason, kept trying to flirt with.
Lily Savage took a long drag of her (his?) cigarette and blew a cloud of smoke in Miroku's face. "Sod off."
"Fine."

* * *

"It's misty, it's dewy, my life is so screwy…" warbled Beansprout as they trudged up to the main gate of Cabbage's palace in their latest attempt to find out what the hell they should do.
"Shut up, wench," growled Inu-Yasha. Kagome the chicken, whom he was carrying, clucked stupidly.
"Feh," muttered Yakky, then slapped himself round the head for saying 'Feh'. J just looked bored.
Someone who seemed rather upset was Cabbage, who was playing monopoly with Red and two of the faeries in the throne room.
"You FOOLHARDY EXCUSE FOR A FOOLISH FOOL!" she shouted, throwing a Mayfair hotel at her oldest daughter.
"Nice to see you too mum," said Flibbage, rubbing her forehead, where the plastic house had left a dent.
"Nice way to nearly destroy the universe, kids," said Red, counting her Monopoly cash, "very impressive."
"Thanks mum. My mum is nicer than your mum." whispered Sprout to Flibbage.
"Yes, but if you write a 'Flibbage's mum is a big fat bitch' song she'll find out, and kick your mortal ass."
"Actually," continued Red, "we're going to write a book about your adventures, and get minted. Or set up a website." [-Episode 96, Ally's tale of how they did just that.]
"RED! DON'T BE NICE TO THEM! THE WORLD IS A MESS!"
"Well don't get mardy at me!"
"Silence!" shouted Inu-Yasha, then ruined the effect by adding, "Make Kagome stop being a chicken."
"No can do," said Red whilst Cabbage flounced like a cross child. "I'll start from the beginning. You have over-fictioned the world with your antics, so much that you've dragged in fiction laws from other unrealities. If Cabbage turns Kagome back into a girl, Terry Pratchett's borrowing law, will dictate that she'll still THINK she's a chicken."
"Red!" exclaimed Flibbage and Cabbage simultaneously.
"What?"
"You can't go randomly explaining Generics to mortals! It's a mysterious Faerie lore, if you want to talk about it, you have to use long words that make no sense unless you're a faery!" said Cabbage clipping her round the ear; "You'll never get to be a faery if you can't get it right!"
"Well sorry. And for another thing-"
"Hey, what's that?" said Cabbage suddenly and grabbed the jar of Shikon shards Inu-Yasha was holding with an overly triumphant "Yoink!"
"Hey! Those are the Shikon shards! Watch it! Oh no, my chicken…" Inu-Yasha chased Kagome around the hall for a little while until he caught her.
"Someone smashed my best marble, dammit." Cabbage complained.
Inu-Yasha looked puzzled in a semi-demonic manner, "It's the Shikon Jewel."
"It's the Marble of Cheating at Marbles."
"It's the Shikon-no-Tama, the Jewel of Four Souls."
"Nah, but Gandalf at No.6 has one of those. He calls it a Simarilion and uses it to watch Eastenders.
"Nice one mum, now ALL the blokes are disillusioned." said Flibbage.
"Oh it's still magic. Don't worry your fluffy little head about that. Oh Sprout, why don't you put a shard into the handle of the Sword of Slayskull? Something cool might happen."
"Okay," said Sprout reaching for a shard.
"Hey! Don't do that!" started Inu-Yasha, but Flibbage waved her wand and suddenly he had a mouthful of lettuce. Beansprout put the shard on the sword handle, which glowed blue and bounced it away.
"What d'ya know. It repelled the shard." mused Cabbage, "interesting." And she tried to look intelligent, whilst feeling very stupid.
"Oh! There's another problem!" said Red suddenly.
"Thought there might be," said J, who once again was depressed about his lack of lines.
"Well Yakky's the original token bloke but now Inu-Yasha's here, and he's a replacement, so if we don't get rid of him, they'll most likely merge into one person."
"What?!" Said everyone except Inu-Yasha and Yakky, who simultaneously said 'Feh!'
"RED!" yelled Cabbage stroppily and bashed her fist on the table, "You are being too comprehensible! How would you have put that Flibbage?"
"Due to interference in Yakky's character profile and role as superfluous male protagonist from Inu-Yasha, and the emerging similarities in both character traits and narratives, the aforesaid narratives could converge into one single protagonist character."
"Yes," said Sprout, "But now we understand because Red said it first."
"Dammit Red! How can we pretend to be superior beings if you mess it up!?" asked Cabbage, and threw a plastic house at her. "Besides," she added smugly "That would only happen if the two protagonists were actually intertextual mirror images of each other."
"Inter-dimensional doubles, the person who you might be in a parallel universe." Red explained to the others, just to be annoying. "Besides, why do you think of all the people, in all the worlds, with Beansprout's sketchy description, Flibbage's spell chose Inu-Yasha?"
"Nah, come on, his inter-dimensional double would have to be at least the same species. Inu-Yasha is very definitely a half demon, I mean look at the ears, the claws, the scary teeth-"added Flibbage, skeptically.
"Aha yes…" said Yakky nervously, as everyone turned to look at him. He sighed, "Okay fine. Here's the big, scary dangerous secret, I didn't tell you because everyone would hate me…" He closed his eyes and concentrated, and a terrible metamorphosis began to creep over him. His hair began to grow out around his face, his hands twisted into claws and his ears lengthened and became pointed. What happened to his teeth, no one really wanted to see.
"B-but you can't be a half demon! Your dad was a vicar, and Buffy, monstrous as she is, is no demon either!"
"Bartholomew isn't my real father…" said Yakky, not meeting her eyes.
"Then who was?" she asked.
"He was a werewolf, luckily I didn't inherit enough genes to change every full moon, I've just got these dumb ears. I had a spell to cover it up. But it doesn't change the fact my father was a demon. His name was Oz."

[In rebellion to Emily's blatant egotism, here are my great plot twists and good examples of freaky shit. Plus, I think Yakky was wasted as token testosterone. Write write write! Now now now! Luv Ally.]