J was extremely confused. This was not because of someone lying evilly and using him as a tool of the evil lies, but more to do with the fact that a huge valkyrie-style woman had just appeared in the cell.
"Well?" she boomed.
"Um… who are you?"
"Thou didst invoke me, yet know me not?"
"Um… no."
"Well," the woman inhaled sharply and drew herself up to her full seven feet, she then began in a thunderous voice "COWER BRIEF MORTAL, FOR I AM YNRI, GODDESS OF YAKS, SHEDS, WEREWOLVES, VIOLENT GIRLS WITH MAGICAL WEAPONRY, CHEESE, TOTEM POLES, THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY AND EX-GOVERNMENT AGENTS TRAPPED IN CELLS WITH NOISY AND CHEERFUL LITTLE FAERIES!!!"
"Why should I diiiiieeeeee? La la la la la-la, la la la-la laaaaa…"
"SILENCE!!!" Ynri shrieked in a voice that would shame Dr. Andrews,[maths teacher, scary voice...]and Flib was unceremoniously turned into a triangle of dairylea cheese.
"ah, that's better," said J, "Can you do anything about the cell?"
"NO, FOOLISH MALE, FOR I AM NOT THE GODDESS OF LOCKED CELLS IN TOP-SECRET HQ'S SOMEWHERE IN NEPAL!!!"
J waited for his ears to stop ringing, and then sat down suddenly as the unfamiliar feeling of a plan struck him.
"Hang on… what else did you say you were the goddess of? Quietly please."
* * *
On Deepwater YAK the awkward silence had lasted the record time of half an hour.
"Yakky?" asked Beansprout bravely.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"Do you really fancy…" she began, and then chickened out, "…um J?"
"No!!!"
"Oh. good."
"Why? Do you fancy him?"
"No!!!"
"Does Flibbage?"
"I don't think so… why? Do you fancy her?"
"No!!!"
"Oh. Okay then."
The silence threatened to return until, due to the fact that they had forgotten someone needed to steer the spaceship, it crashed into the side of a particularly large mountain. Due to forces of momentum Yakky and Beansprout were thrown backwards and landed in a heap on the far side of the bridge.
"Dammit, not again!" said YAK(ky) appearing on the bridge, but was interrupted by a blinding flash of celestial light.
"Are we interrupting anything?" asked J sardonically.
"DAAAH!!!" Yelled Beansprout and Yakky simultaneously leaping away from each other in an amazingly flea-like manner. [They don't do this any more…I kinda miss that]
"WHERE THE FOLK ARE WE NOW!?!" screamed the disorientated Beansprout as she looked around the small cell crammed full of Yaks, Tories, Edam and Totem Poles.
"Well the goddess Ynri was helping me to escape by invoking various things she's the goddess of, but none of them were very useful. Then I remembered you guys, and I didn't think you'd be that busy, but obviously-"
"Shut up J!!!"
"SILENCE MORTAL!!!"
"MOOOOO!"
"VOTE CONSERVATIVE!" [If I could remember anything Ian Duncan-Smith has said, ever, I'd ask if we could put it in there, but all I remember about him is he's Mindy's dad's boss and he reminds me of someone but I can never remember who].
*Silence from the cheese, and totem poles* [why? we need more representation from the objective minorities!]
And amid the noise of the assorted people in the cell no-one noticed that Oz (for was not Ynri a goddess of werewolves?) had managed to pick the lock until he coughed politely and told them.

WILL FLIB BE RETURNED TO A NON-DAIRY STATE?
WILL THEY ESCAPE THE NGSPIB SECRET HQ?
WILL THEY EVER HAVE NORMAL LIVES?
IT'S NOT REALLY LIKELY, IS IT…
YOU'D BE BORED IF THEY DID, YOU KNOW YOU WOULD…
INUBUYAKASHA- HELL YEAH!