"The first task, of course is to get those blasted children out of my way," said Mr. NGSPIB to Oddball, who nodded furiously in agreement, "That's why Buffy never got away with it; she couldn't even kill them properly. But I'll get rid of them, ahahahar."
Oddball grinned. "And what cunning plan do you have in mind, Fred?"
"Dammit Oddball, I don't even know anyone called Fred!"
"Anything you say Fred, so what about this plan?"
"It's in operation already, and I'll tell you about it as soon as I've stopped engaging my brain in subconsciously pointing my feet at that girl over there."
Oddball sighed wistfully.
* * *
"Maybe, sweetheart, you said it wrong?" said Yakky, slowly being crushed under the weight of the backpack.
Beansprout gave Yakky a withering look. "I will try again. But if you call me sweetheart again, I will make you regret it."
"Yes Sprout, sorry Sprout."
"Thank you. - The ducks Dammit, the -Aaaaargh!"
For just at that moment a large impressive looking portal opened and sucked them in. Fortunately, Yakky had let go of the luggage and it got left behind.
"Folk!" said Beansprout as a clock flew past her head, spinning backwards.
"FCUK!" yelled Yakky, narrowly avoiding some kind of orange juicer.
"Huh?"
"Flying-citrus-unidentified-kitchentool, obviously!"
"Oh of course." Beansprout replied then, "Ouch!" as they landed on their butts in an ornamental garden.
"Hi guys." Said J glumly, sitting on a stone bench nearby.
"Ow, where are we? I don't recognise this garden," asked Beansprout, as Yakky helped her up.
"Oh we're still at the palace."
"Good," said Yakky suspiciously, "because that's where we were trying to go, right? And the NGSPIB have suddenly reappeared and run off with Barry!"
"There's a small problem," hissed Flibbage, crawling out of some undergrowth, [why?]"We've been sucked through some kind of time portal, its forty Earth years ago, which in Faerie is about 1000 years." [And forty years may seem a long time in Earth years but, they did spend two decades cryogenically frozen on Deepwater YAK]
"That's a slightly long time," gaped Beansprout.
"Nah, Faerie time is weird, in our time it's running about the same as Earth, but right now it's running much slower, and Faeries live a long time. Anyway, cutting to the chase. I have a plan."
"What a surprise."
"Once again," continued Flibbage self-importantly, "the NGSPIB have grossly underestimated my Faerie powers. I can manipulate the difference between Earth and Faerie's timeline to catapult us back, but it takes a lot of energy, I'll have to work in small jumps and you guys need to stick close to me. Hopefully our narrative strand will drag us back to the right time and place. But the most important thing is not to mess with the Space-Time continuum so-"
"Yeah yeah, we've heard that one before," said J, "Don't touch anything or become your own great grandfather."
"It troubles me when you understand what I'm talking about, J."
Just then, as if to punctuate this resolution, they heard the sound of approaching voices.
"Incoming," hissed J dramatically, and the four of them dived behind an ornamental Rhododendron[is there a reason why its always rhododendrons...?] just as a markedly more youthful Cabbage and Red wandered round the corner.
"You're never going to guess!!" squeaked the Faerie Queen delightedly, flitting about in the air.
"A sewage technician?"
"Nope! Heehee!"
"A disgustingly greasy car-mechanic?"
"Still cold- heheheh!"
"A yak farming vicar from Nepal?"
"N-Dammit! How did you know that!?"
"Booksmarts and good looks," replied Red as Cabbage had a small fit.
"The same damn thing happened to Rumplestiltskin! Now I can't steal your first born child!"
"Damn right you can't, I already gave its soul to Fliain; it won't do it any favours to be brought up in Faerie thank you. Besides, that's exactly who I would have made Buffy fall in love with."
"Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!"

*"Red wasn't so dappy then," whispered Yakky.*

"Hmmpf. Well you can have as much of the love potion as you like and use it on Barry, I hope it causes sorrow and pain for all involved!" Cabbage grumbled, reluctantly pouring some pink dust out of a bag into Red's hand. She sniffed.
"Aww," said Red, "see, you're happy for me really. I can hear you secretly trying not to cry tears of joy!"
"I have a cold, you moron."

*"Maybe not then," Yakky mused.*

Red ran off, giggling inanely to herself as Cabbage perched on the edge of a bench holding the bag.
"Ahaha love potion, I have plans for you!" she cackled to herself, and then sneezed violently. The pink dust went flying.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuCK, FUCK, FUCK!" she yelled frantically trying to brush the powder off her face;
"Reverse the love charm,
Make it snappy,
If you don't,
I won't be h-"
"Excuse me, your majesty," said a young elf strolling into the garden, "it's just that these Faeries put an Ass-head spell on me, which I can't get rid of, and I was wondering if you knew anything that would help?"
"FUUUUUCCCKKK!" screamed Cabbage in abject horror, but it was too late, as she had already fallen in love.

Flibbage sighed resignedly. "I had a horrible feeling that's what happened. Let's get out of here;
Back to the future,
In neat little hops,
Let's see if it's possible
Without too many stops."
* * *

…Summer 1985, Earth, Beansprout's Christening Party…
"FOLK!" yelled the four heroes and ducked behind a door. Flibbage wobbled and looked rather pale.
"You alright?" asked Beansprout.
"…I'll be okay, just let me get my breath back…"
J found a rather fluffy sherbet lemon in his pocket and gave it to her. The boys sat with Flibbage, whilst Beansprout peered round the door. Where a drunken party was taking place. Red was collapsed on a sofa next to Barry, whilst Flynn and Cabbage were balanced on the edge of a punch bowl.
"Well we called Flibbash Flibbidge -whatever she's called, that, because it sounds a little like Flynn, and a little like Cabbage!" Said Flynn drunkenly. Cabbage laughed and fell backwards into the punch.
"I think… I THINK, - I'll call her Beansprout." Red slurred. "She's all skinny and lanky. And as for her hair, it sticks out in little spikes!"
"What's that got to do with a Beansprout?" asked Barry.
"Shut up you!"
"Well," Cabbage gurgled from the punch bowl, "if you give her a vegetable name, then my little Flibbage can be her Faerie God…Aunt! And plus- when she turns of age she can have a magic-sword-and-prophecy!"
"Huzzah!" yelled Red, and collapsed. Beansprout shut the door in disgust.
"Dear lord this is a depressing if informative journey through time." she said to herself, "Let's go if you're ready Flib!"
"Sure!" came a small voice from Flibbage who had removed her bigness spell in order to economise, and she repeated the spell.
* * *
…Summer 1990…
The smashed and smoking ruins of the Temple of Choom (It does get blown up several times, poor thing) lay around them. J managed to catch Flibbage before she hit the ground, then they (instinctively by now) dived for cover as…
… Into sight trouped a bedraggled little girl with dark pigtails and blue dungarees with a duck on the front. On her back was a backpack with a machine gun poking out of it; on one shoulder was a young, red haired faerie, on the other a geriatric one. A few paces behind trudged a blond boy with repulsive skin wearing a Chelsea football strip. They walked over to a helicopter that landed, got in and flew away.
"Wow Beansprout, I'd forgotten how pretty I always thought you were…" said Yakky.
"Folkin' paedophile!" replied our sarcastic heroine and good-naturedly clouted him round the head.
"Ready now!" said Flibbage after being fed some kind of caffeine/Prozac pill J had come up with.
* * *
…Last day of term, 2000, Buckingham…
The quartet watched in horror as a black-suited figure flagged down an equally black limo and handed a package to someone inside. The limo drove on a short way, then a large explosion blew out the windows and it veered into a wall. Yakky and Beansprout winced. J squinted at the retreating delivery person.
"Hey," he said, "That's a NGSPIB agent!"
"Those bastards! We thought it was Buffy!" said Yakky.
"Those bastards! We didn't even know they existed and they wanted to kill us!" added Beansprout.
"djtornhbptrij[kyk,.v/gsipje[vbrrighngggggghhhh" said Flibbage, which I suppose was meant to be a spell.
* * *
…Late summer 2000…
It was a brief stop. Buffy was being carted off to prison by Barry as Flibbage, Beansprout, Cabbage and Flynn looked on.
"Don't know what he's on about '…she's our friend and always will be …' rubbish! I'd like to give her face a good grinding under my regal kitten heels!" hissed the Faerie Queen, shaking her fist, "Stupid useless Barry!"
"Yes dear," said Flynn.
At this moment, most of the gang were watching Cabbage rant from behind a tree, but Flibbage from her viewpoint was looking at Barry and Buffy. Blearily, she was sure she saw him hand her a metal file, which she stowed in her boot. But feeling light-headed, she wasn't sure. However, with a growing sense of inherited forebodeance, she wanted to get back to the right time ASAP.
* * *
…Winter 2020…
"Well, you could always get yourselves- CAPTURED BY THE NGSPIB!!!" Oddball yelled as everyone in the restaurant pulled a gun on Beansprout and Flibbage. The heroines were dragged away screaming abuse.
"We've got them for sure this time," a NGSPIB agent said to Oddball.
"Yeah, thanks mainly to me Fred!" she replied donning a pair of dark shades.
"Gasp!" said the time-travelling quartet (from under a table), "she IS one of them!"
Flibbage's sense of foreboding went up another notch. There was something fundamentally wrong with the situation, present or future and they needed to be back in the right time, before it was too late. Summoning the rest of her strength she said the spell with extra Pizzazz to make it more powerful. The effect was like getting onto a roller coaster that was already in motion. Then there was a sudden stop and they felt themselves thrown forward onto the ground.
* * *
They found themselves outside a cave in Nepal. Beansprout, Yakky and J quickly ducked behind a bush as a previous Yakky stalked out of the cave, quickly followed by a yelling Beansprout, and the two of them disappeared into the trees.
Almost as soon as they had gone NGSPIB agents slunk onto the scene from the undergrowth and surrounded the cave. Some commotion ensued and a small gold envelope hurtled off into the distance. Shortly the agents emerged from the cave with a Jam-Jar bound previous Flibbage, and a struggling J.
"This place is crawling with NGSPIB," hissed Beansprout, "we should get going as soon as possible Flib."
There was no answer. The three turned round to see Flibbage lying in a crumpled heap on the ground. She looked pale and unsparkly.
"Get off the ground, stupid elf! Oh, doesn't either of you have any illegal stimulants?"
"Uh, Sprout?" said J, picking up the prone faerie carefully.
"Hmm?" she relied, peering over the bush for agents.
"Do faeries- as a general rule, uh- breathe?" Beansprout snapped her head round. A good term to describe the gossamer heap in J's hand would have been, 'lifeless'.
"Hands in the air now!" said an NGSPIB agent, "Sir I've found the girl and the werewolf, and- hey- wait a minute, the agent and the faerie… again?"
Several other agents ran in toting guns. They were surrounded, in serious need of help and -stranded in the past.
WILL THEY ESCAPE THE CLUTCHES OF THE NGSPIB?
WILL THEY EVER DISCOVER THE IDENTITY OF MR.NGSPIB?
WILL FLIBBAGE SURVIVE THE ORDEAL?
ARE THEY FOLKING UP THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM?
FIND OUT, NEXT TIME IN INUBUYAKASHA!!!