[You know, with all the references to a person who has three personalities, one good, one evil and one normal which is a blatant rip off of Detta /Odetta /Susannah from Stephen King's Gunslinger books, you could have just called it 'The Dark Tower', but I don't think anyone has read those books except me…]

"There," said J, tying a bandage "Just try not to get into any fights for a while… which is about the most useless advice I ever gave anyone…"
"Sprout's not going to die!" Yelled Yakky with glee and hugged her.
"OwowOWOWOW!!!" Beansprout screamed in agony.
"Sorry."
"Okay," said Beansprout, standing up in a wobbly manner and holding onto Yakky for support owing to her huge blood loss (She may be a hero, but no one heals that fast) "If anyone mentions how embarrassing I acted when I was dying, there won't be enough of you left to bury."
"Okay Sprout."
"Sprout's alive! Sprout's alive!" Yakky sang merrily causing our heroine to blush and grin a little bit.
"Okay," said J, spotting another pointless romantic moment approaching "let's go sort out this big mess, or something."
"And you wonder why you're just the side kick," Beansprout answered picking up her sword. "Let's hunt some clones!"
"Didn't I just tell you to take it easy?"
"Shut up you old woman!"
"Sprout's alive!"
"That's enough now Yakky."
* * *

"Now do you feel evil?" Flibbage said exasperatedly walking into the clearing where they were hiding.
"Not really, more… well… slutty." Campfy said tugging at the hem of her elegant but short black dress, which combined with black gloves, fishnet tights and thigh-length boots, made her look like an evil genius… or a downtown hooker.
"Watch It! These are my clothes you know!"
"You're not evil."
"Oh give me time…" growled Flibbage to herself, and pondered what else Buffy had to make her more evil.
"Gods of evil,
Shift your buns!
Bring me Lackeys, Yaks and Guns!"
There was a thunderclap (The sound of evil making magic) and Campfy was suddenly surrounded by Yak-riding vampires who bristled with heavy artillery.
"What about now?"
Campfy put a hand to her forehead, wearing a strange half-scowl. "I'm… kind of nasty," she admitted haltingly.
Flibbage clapped her hands. "Yay! What else do you need?"
"I think… maybe… a lair?"
"Evil spirits,
Flaunt your power.
Build me here a looming tower!"
There was a particularly impressive thunderclap, and when the blinding effect of the lightening had passed, a tall black tower was standing in the near background.
"I'm great, said Flibbage smugly. "Evil yet Campfy?... Campfy?"
Campfy sat up clutching her head. "Fucking hell…" she muttered.
"Okay that's about as evil as it gets I guess," said Flibbage, "Now let's go and find Barry and kick his ass, because there's only room for one evil overlord around here and you'll blatantly win because you're a girl and this is faerie. Then we'll make you normal again and everyone's happy."
Campfy stared at her, then began to chuckle.
"See, I told you so, you can even do the laugh…uh…at me…" Flibbage tailed off.
Campfy clicked her fingers and with a shower of black sparks and an ominous thunderclap was suddenly dress in black leather trousers, stylish ankle boots, a strappy top of the kind often worn by Buffy and a long black leather coat, complete with her butterfly wings which had turned black, she was a scary sight.
"So tell me Flibbage, did you do any forward thinking when you formulated this particular plan?" Campfy purred.
"I was considering a best-case scenario…" Flibbage mumbled.
"Which was?"
"Not the way it's turned out. Sodding plot twists."
"As it is," said Campfy crisply, clapping her hands for her henchmen, "I'm going to form a temporary alliance with Barry, destroy you meddling kids forever, then dispose of him in vicious spree of backstabbing, probably over dinner, I could wear my red dress…" She mused.
"Meanwhile I'll just be going," Flibbage squeaked, reverting to tiny form for a quick getaway.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," Campfy said and clicked her fingers.
Flibbage's language at finding herself locked in a stylishly enamelled jewellery box was bad enough to shock even Beansprout.
"Back back, sweetheart…" said Campfy as she stored the box in one of the henchmen's saddle bags, then she smiled. "Okay boys, we have work to do…"
* * *
"What the Folk?!" Beansprout exclaimed as they passed a window and saw the tower.
"Bloody hell, those faeries can build fast," Yakky commented.
"I'm sure Barry had some help."
"Nice one."
"Let's go and kill him horribly then," said J.
"You really should leave dramatic one-liners to me J, you suck. Besides," Beansprout added, "We have to find Flibbage first, we can't go face the bad guys with just the three of us, unless she's off somewhere holding back the guards or dying in noble self sacrifice-"
"She'd better not be! It's my job!" J protested.
"And there's still those Folking clones sneaking about the place, so it'd be an anti-climax if we didn't get them first." Beansprout added.
"How come I never understand this convention stuff?" Complained Yakky.
"Because I'm a girl and I pay attention even if I don't understand. As a man you are more interested in gadgets, beer and women in revealing outfits."
"Well I'm interested in you and you're wearing dungarees."
"You'd better be, or I'll kick your werewolf ass."
"Fair enough then."
"When you're all quite finished?" said an icy voice. Our three waffling heroes turned to see E-Yakky and E-Sprout standing at the top of a flight of stairs, holding guns the likes of which only J had seen before.
"Wow! You have a Compensator Mark 6! And a Technojunkie 22!"[But not the gun that does everything from the fifth element, so they're doomed]
"You are SO sad." Yakky told him.
"Compensator?" remarked Beansprout, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, you know what they say about men with big guns…" [*…what, they're evil clones?*…][So that's why J only has the noisy cricket… hehehe…]
"I'm not compensating for anything!" Shouted E-Yakky angrily.
"Yeah, yeah…" Said both Sprouts.
"Hey!" said both the Yakkys.
"Oh God, kill me," said J (in mono).
"Gladly," said E-Sprout, and fired a big nasty rocket-thing in his direction.
"Yeah subtle!" snarled Beansprout swinging the Sword of Slayskull like a baseball bat. There was a large explosion and Beansprout was thrown across the room.
"Sprout! Don't be dead! J told you not to do that!!!" Yakky shouted, running over to her.
"Stop fussing you moron, I'm fine." Said Beansprout, sitting up. "Ow, the shoulder. You are so dead you pigtailed bitch!" she yelled at her clone.
"Uh-huh," E-Sprout said sceptically. E-Yakky chuckled.
"Uh… Sprout?" said J.
"Oh my God," said Yakky.
Beansprout looked down at the Sword of Slayskull. Most of it was in pieces on the floor, she was only holding the hilt.
"FOLKING SHODDY PIECE OF LEGENDARY MANUFACTURING!!!" she yelled.
"Die now," said E-Sprout calmly aiming the Technojunkie 22 at her.
There was another explosion and bits of E-Sprout were suddenly sticking to the walls. There was a small pause.
"Thank you noisy cricket," said J.
"Thank you J," said Beansprout in a small shocked voice.
"E-Sprout! NOOO!!!" Yelled E-Yakky, who had just realized he was madly in love with her.
"I'll take care of him," J said smugly, and pulled the trigger. He tried again. And again.
"Oh shit," he said.

[*Sings* That's what you get when the Evil Guy controls the plot conventions!!! Write them out of that one, Faerie Queen Not of the pun variety…]
[Alice I know you can't help the fact that you're just a simple Country Bumpkin, BUT E-YAKKY TOOK THE SWORD AWAY FROM SPROUT AFTER HE SHOT HER! Now I've had to go back and change everything to make up for your lack of attention to detail *sigh* For those of you who will read up till series eight, this is an early example of an INCONSISTENCY]